Hurt the next poster

Get them! Be creative!

The next poster will be attacked by a flying saw blade

ouch.

The next poster will be hurt by Abraham Lincoln a machete

-10hp.

The next poster shall be hurt by an AK-47 wielding Putin and a Churchill in a Churchill tank with a Bren submachine gun, sticking out of it.

-101 hp

the next poster will be hurt by a march against Macri
(really hurts lul)

-9000hp

The next poster just happens to get attacked by a flying flaming Stradivarius violin

Dodges (Is dodging illegal in this thread?)

The next poster happens to get slammed to death by Hulk Hogan.

But…I AM A MASOCHIST! PUNCH HARDER BROTHER! -1e24 HP

Next poster get blasted by the deathstar.

also no dodging.

-1000HP

The next poster will be shot by a sniper from E°115

-100hp

next poster will be punched in the stomach by notactuallysteve’s knuckle blaster stun gun, his bond with his knuckle blaster stun gun was so strong, the story of it was legendary. He lived to tell the tale, the story quotes that he was confronted by some punks demanding his money, he was no match for them.

Steve relized that he needed to protect himself, so he bought a knuckle blaster stun gun. He went back to the Walmart parking lot where he was mugged, he approuched the group of hooligans that stole his money.

Now, let’s hand it to Steve to tell his story.

Steve: Okay here is the next thing that happens.
I cooly asked “Remember me?”.
One of them looked up and said, “Have you come back to buy some Samoas or Thin Mints? My Girl Scout Troop needs to raise more money!”
I replied with “you’re not taking my money this time”. “But sir, they’re delicious!”, she said.

I whipped out my Knuckle Blaster Stun Gun hand and shouted “WRONG MOVE B****!” The five girl scouts ran away screaming.

As I pounded my chest in victory, I accidentally activated the stun gun and applied 950,000 Volts to my right nipple. I woke up 4 hours later to the sound of heavy footsteps. Those Girl Scouts had brought their fathers. But I was ready. I lunged at the largest one with a cry of “RAGGLE FRAGGLE!!!” and hit him in the stomach. He hit the ground harder than a fat kid on a jungle gym.

As the others began to circle around me, I changed techniques. Holding both of my hands in tight fists, I rased my arms to my sides and initiated the helicopter spin. They all backed off, fearing my impressive RPM. After a while I started getting dizzy, and one of the fathers decided to try to tackle me. As he ran to me stood there, dizzy and queasy; time was going real slow. Then I remembered. I had eaten lunch at Chipotle and the burrito was fighting its way back up my stomach.

I tuned toward my enemy and launched a stream of projectile vomit at him, knocking him to the ground. Then I started singing “Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the… FLOOOOORRR!!!”

I grabbed my Knuckle Blasher Stun Gun and shoved it into my mouth, running headfirst at my foes, electrocuting them with my teeth. Eventually they were all unconscious, and I walked home victorious.

-50hp.

The next poster will be hurt by 50 point blank shots from SPAS-12.

Aw.

.

-0/+0hp
next poster will be shot with a remington .22LR rifle in the balls at point blanc range.

Oh fuck.
Next poster gets beaten to death by a womans tits.

Worth it. Death by benis

BENIS;benis;

The next poster will be killed by flying bacons!

yummy
next poster will die excruciatingly in a black hole

;~;

next poster will get beaten by israel’s excessive use of the word “benis”

Topic closed, hands down. This can’t be beaten.

But I’ll try to.

The next poster will be hurt by tons of aliens, parachuting from a plane without a parachute with M4A4s on flying cows with airplane wings, nukes and a bunch of milk boxes.

i’m dead that was hard to top off
next poster’s death by: